new story board

the new and improved story board of the opening scene (drawn by Mia:)

these drawings show the shots, with the location/action/sound and lighting. 

shot by shot of new script

with our new script we have created a shot by shot just like last time but obviously with the new shots and script ideas included. 

- Wide shot of husband, wife and child sitting on the sofa watching tv. The son is lying on the wife's lap.  
- Mid shot to close up of husband standing up.  
- Mid shot on husband’s face saying “I'm going out to the pub” 
- Mid shot on family. Wife says “oh okay” and looks confused 
- Cuts to close up of husband a lady cheer-sing  
- Mid shot of the couple sitting at the bar talking. It's another lady not the wife. The wife crosses from left to right over the frame but the couple doesn’t notice her. 
- Close up of ladies face drinking from her wine glass, she looks over her left shoulder 
- The scene then edits to a different location (her face is in the same place) and she's been killed 
- Cuts to bird's eye view shot of husband and wife lying in bed. He is asleep but she is lying on her back staring up at the ceiling 
- Wide shot of husband walking out of the front garden of their house  
- Mid shot of husband in café (filmed from outside of window), he passes a drink to a lady

Shot then goes through the window into the café  
- Camera pans to left to a mirror and in the reflection, you see the back of the wife holding her son, she turns round  
- Close up of the lady at the counter being killed; different angle from the previous death 
- Close up of husband and wife's head 
- It zooms out to a mid-shot and you see the family all together in the sitting room.  
- Wide shot of wife sitting on a wall looking directly forward but not into camera. She reaches into - her pocket and pulls out cigarettes 
- Mid shot of her lighting the cigarette 
- Close up of her inhaling  
- Mid shot of her breathing the smoke out  
- Back to wide shot of her sitting on the wall for a few seconds 
- Wide shot of hallway, husband walk in, boy runs in from bottom right corner and hubads bad, son walks backwards a bit 
- close up of the so, he says “mum?” 
- Close of husband's face with wife quickly entering behind him, she hits him over with a bat 
- Stops when the bat is in front of the camera causing a black background. The title comes up

new script

 notes with tom --

our original idea was dull and needed a punch factor. so we have started writing a new script based on the tv show You. I first though of the possibility of doing the making tracks missing each other in close proximity scene to explore a fun gimmick however Mia and Lily both liked the thriller idea and theres some fun stuff we could do with it. This is a rough idea of the scenes that Lily has in her head:

1. It will begin in a sitting food of a families house. The wife is sitting on the sofa with her husband and son watching tv. The husband then gets up saying he's going to "go for a drink" at a pub leaving her wife questioning who he is going to see.

2. The scene will now be set in a pub. You will see two close up shots. One of the man drinking and one of a women drinking. The audience will expect that its the husband and wife. When the shot cuts to a mid shot you see the husband drinking with another women. Then a blonde haired lady crosses the frame of the shot which implicates to the audience that its the wife. The husband doesn't notice her.

3. The lady sitting at the bar will then look over her shoulder to the lady and the shot will cut to another location (the lady will be in the same place so the edit will seem effortless.) You get a quick scene showing the lady being killed.

4. The scene changes to be a birds eye view shot of the husband and wife lying in bed. The husband is asleep but the wife is awake, lying on her back and looking up at the ceiling. She is contemplating how she is going to stop her husband from cheating.

5. The next scene will be set in a cafe. The shot is filmed through a window of a cafe. You see the husband buying a drink for another lady. He is passing her a coffee as they are standing at the counter. The shot than pans around until it reaches a mirror in the cafe. In the reflection you see the back of the wife and then she turns around. She is holding her son in her arms. 

6. her killed

7. The camera then cuts to a warm lit Childs bedroom. You see the husband holding the child and the wife it stroking his head. Its the last moment you see the family all together in the sequence before the ending.

8. in woods - 

9. girls death 

10. The next scene is set on a wall with trees in the background. The wife is sitting smoking a cigarette contemplating her life with her husband. The light is grey and you can see the smoke float. up in the air. This scene won't last for too long but it breaks up the moment of chaos with calmness before the ending.

11. hitting husband