intro about me

 intro about me -- 

I'm a loner Scot who's got an infatuation for poetry, writing and a indie rock.

Theres not much interesting about me that happened up until around March 2020, thats a long backstory so I'll tell you instead what I write about. The three R's, real world, revolution and romance. A-lot of my chosen films this year are and/or will be chosen based on these topics. There is a 4th one which is Relationships as I believe relationships to be the centre of a human. This is my thesis:

I have ideas. Im not good at expressing my ideas because I'm often under the impression I'm the smartest person in the room. Which is only true when I’m alone in bed, but my ideas resonate with me, I feel passionately about the way we lie, we talk our way through things emotionlessly, on repeat, the default that makes the world go around. I find people hard, we as a species don't understand each other, we try out new things to stray away from the norm and it works in the media. Theres 7.5 billion of us you should see the people you never heard of. We are the people that are hard. Hardened by our surroundings by the people who lie, so here’s the truth. 

I’ve lived for too long, I've had 4 lives and I've seen things in that time that are at the centre a human. Lust for company, for working, greed takes your heart, and stops it from finding love. Or giving you love to lose as collateral for the useless brain. To impress, to party, to think or not to think, to feel a body, to smoke, talk, drink and break. The centre of a human is not what you think, but a part of them is the relationships them and another person(s). It's in the way that we dress, talk, go place and interact with the other people we share the city we live in with. We dress one way to impress the person we like and we’d dress another for a job interview its as simple as that, everything we do is for the company around us. 

 

Born, education till 18, gap year, or no gap year, uni at 19, 4 year course, 23, work for 5 years for your first promotion, move out the flat with uni friends cos you cant stand the smell of each other anymore. 30, want to get married, leave you job for someone, get married, have kids, either breadwinner or make their dinner. We don't know which is worse, do that for the next 18, they leave your, In your 50’s wondering what happened to the rest of your life. Thats life, thats literally the average human life, and then 20 years later you're basically dead. I don't wanna live my life like that. 

I wanna see beauty, I wanna see nature again, I want to feel someones body and wish they’d slide into mine like a piece of jigsaw. People don't dream like me anymore, I see mindless visionaries roaming around cluelessly more worried about what their friends think of them on that day in-particular. I worry about my education, because I want to do something with my life, but you’ll never catch me hating what I do once I’m out of here cos I've hated enough. I’m not a happy person, I'm angry, the last 3 years of my life have been an utter travesty, my fault I'm not sure, but I don't dwell anymore I cant afford it. The anger turns to paranoia, and I've spent years looking over my shoulder but how am I gonna move forwards if I'm constantly looking back. Direct line of vision, straight and fast. Everyone has a brutal time, everyone is sad, everything is wrong, and theres nothing we can do about it sometimes. But we need to learn to be happy with our sadness. And I'm not an optimist far from, I just have certain ideas I wanna carry across county lines. But people have been killed in the past for that so let's see how this goes. 

You wanna see why relationships are so important ? Think about the person you care about most, or people, think about memories with that person and what you’d be doing without them. How you’d be dressed, where you’d be, where you're sat right now. Have you lost them ? Talk to them, make something better cos you’re gonna need them back in your life even if it ruins you. I was much better when I had someone ripping my life apart. If people are rain, then I'm drizzle and they were a hurricane and it’s so much better. 

It's human to want to understand, its human too hate one another, it's human to be in love. But we wont always be here, in 120 years there will be a completely different set of humans on the planet, our time is short and we wont be remembered. But, silver lining. In my final remarks, I’ll tell you: There’s someone important to me, we live in borrowed time, and there is no way we as humans can certify our legacies in history, but that’s human history, we’ve only been around 2000 years we’re primitive kids. We wont be remembered for what we are now by the future, but by who we know right now, who love us, and find beauty in us, make you the centre human. That’s all we are, social creatures, till we die.

Thats me, I know its not really a personality but its how I feel and I try incorporate all of this into everything I do, cos what's the point otherwise if we're not showing people what we are.